


Forgiveness

by Fangirl0207



Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, POV Alternating, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2019-01-28 07:37:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12601556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirl0207/pseuds/Fangirl0207
Summary: A soulmate's words on your right arm doesn't always mean something special, or so Zoro and Sanji naively thought.





	Forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> Self-harm, inconclusive ending, and bad grammar warning!
> 
> Other than that, enjoy!

<<< Zoro <<<

Zoro was six when his words first appeared. He woke up one morning with a prickling sensation on his right arm, and was nonetheless surprised to see black ink slowly forming elegant loops on his skin. At that time, Zoro couldn’t read yet, but Kuina had told him the significance of words forming on one’s right arms just a few days ago; she said that the words appearing on his right arm are going to be the words his soulmate will say to him when they meet each other. Zoro was awed and excited. Immediately, he jumped out of his bed and ran outside to show the words to Kuina. Kuina can read, so she should be able to tell him what the words are.

Zoro found Kuina in her father’s dojo, and when he told her about what happened, she quickly took a keen interest. After reading the words, she smiled and the giggled in amusement.

“What? What’s so funny?” Zoro asked, not liking that reaction one bit. For a moment, he was afraid that his future soulmate is going to say something stupid on their first meeting. 

“Nothing,” Kuina said in a teasing manner. “You’re going to have a hard time finding your soulmate, you know?”

Zoro didn’t understand what she meant, and after nagging her for hours and hours, she finally relented and told him that the elegant writing on his arm reads, “May I help you, sir?”

Even after knowing that though, six-year-old Zoro still didn’t understand what Kuina meant when she said that he’s going to have a hard time.

>>> Sanji >>>

Only a few people are destined to have a soulmate, that’s why not everyone has words written on the inner side of their right arm. Sanji’s mother often told him that how special a soulmate bond is. She recounted to him tales of soulmates who always managed to find their way to each other against all odds. Sanji, of course, was captivated by those stories, and secretly wished that he could have words on his right arm too. Maybe, if Sanji had words, then his father would see that he was as special as his brothers. 

So of course, when he woke up one morning to the burning sensation on his right arm, his first reaction was to jump out of his bed and rushed out to his parent’s room. He excitedly knocked on the door, impatiently calling out to his mom and dad. After a while, his mother opened the door, a warm, welcoming smile on her face as she asked him what’s wrong. Sanji showed her the messy scrawl on his right arm, and immediately, his mother’s face fell.

Right at that moment, his father appeared, and he too saw the words. His face darkens the moment he saw Sanji’s arms, scarier than anything Sanji has ever seen before. The bubble of excitement in his chest immediately burst. Something was wrong; his father looked mad and his mother was noticeably upset. What did he do wrong this time?

“I knew there’s something wrong with him!” his father yelled as he sharply turned around and disappeared back into the room. 

On the verge of tears, Sanji looked up at his mother, hoping to find an answer from her. 

His mother forced a smile, before she picked him up and carried him away. She gently rocked and soothed him as he cried on her shoulder. 

“It’s alright,” she repeatedly whispered to him, “We’ll do something about it. It’s alright, sweetheart.”

She brought him to the kitchen and they began making cookies. 

The next day, his mother gave him a light, flexible arm guard to cover his words. 

Sanji never deliberately show his word to anyone else ever again.

<<< Zoro <<<

“May I help you, sir?” the petite saleswoman asked Zoro.

“Nah, just looking for my friends,” Zoro told her as he watched closely for her reaction. Her expression didn’t change one bit. Zoro knew then that it wasn’t her. Immediately, he turned around and continued his search for Luffy.

It’s been eleven years since his words first appeared on his right arm. Kuina was right when she said that he was going to have a hard time finding his soulmate. By now, Zoro has stopped jumping whenever someone spoke the words on his arms. That was just a testament to how often someone had raised his hopes, only to let him down. 

Zoro wondered how much longer it would take before he stopped bothering at all.

>>> Sanji >>>

“This is your room now,” Zeff said as he opened the door for Sanji to reveal a bedroom so narrow that there was barely any space left between the bed and the table. It was so different from the bedroom Sanji had slept in for the past eighteen years in his father’s mansion, but at least this place didn’t feel as suffocating. 

“Thanks,” Sanji murmured as he stepped inside and dumped his belongings onto the bed. He hadn’t brought much with him; only several decent clothes, and some cookbooks that his mother got for him not long before she passed away when he was ten. Not that there was much of value to him in that godforsaken hell. 

Zeff left him to unpack, and as soon as Sanji could no longer hear his wooden leg clicking on the floorboard, he immediately let himself fall onto the bed. He closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh, internally cursing and hating his soulmate for making his life so fucking difficult. If only he didn’t have a soulmate, maybe he wouldn’t be bullied as much for always wearing an arm guard, maybe his brothers wouldn’t alienate him as much for being ‘a freak’, maybe his father would actually treat him as a son rather than as the perpetual disappointment of the family. 

Sanji quickly pushed those thoughts away from his mind with one big ‘fuck them’. There was really no point in wondering about shits like that. This was all his life; the uneducated soulmate, the messy, gigantic scrawl on his arm, the shitty siblings, the father who thought he was better off gone… There was nothing he could have done to change them, so there was no point in mulling over them. He needed to stop looking backward and start moving forward.

It was a shitty life, but it was his shitty life.

Sanji was determined to make the best out of it.

<<< Zoro <<<

“Zoro,” Kuina sighed almost in exasperation, “We’ve been through this before, okay? I love you, as a brother. I can’t see you as more than that. Besides, you already have someone waiting for you, and you’re also waiting for her, aren’t you?”

Zoro clenched his fists hard, felt anger bubbling up in his chest, directed at some nameless, faceless soulmate who he didn’t even want in the first place. “That person doesn’t matter to me anymore,” he growled, and if Kuina strained her ears, she could probably hear him practically begging. “You’re all that matters to me.”

Kuina looked visibly saddened, but still, she stubbornly shook her head, “Zoro… You’re only saying that because you’ve given up on her.” Her words struck him hard, and before he could think up of something else to say in return, she continued, “You’ll find her, I believe you will.”

He swallowed as lumps formed in his throat. He wanted to be angry at her for using the words on his arm as an excuse to turn him down, but a small, small part of him knew that she was right. Still, that didn’t ease the pain in his heart. Kuina is his best friend, his sister, the only one who gave a shit about him when no one else would. She is the most important person in his life. How would his so-called ‘soulmate’ be any more important than Kuina? Zoro didn’t know, and he didn’t want to know. 

He then vowed to himself that he would keep on trying, that he wouldn’t give up on the person standing in front of him for someone who was never there in the first place. He wouldn’t give up on Kuina for someone who might not even appear until he was old and frail and unhappy.

Zoro wanted Kuina. His future soulmate can go fuck off.

>>> Sanji >>>

The place looked clean and promising, but still, Sanji found himself hesitating before that small shop with the words “Nefatari’s Tattoo Shop” written on a plank above the door. 

He hadn’t told Zeff about his decision, hadn’t told anyone at all, in fact. He wanted the stupid words gone, more than anything, and he didn’t want to be swayed by others’ opinions. Besides, he’s fucking twenty already, he was entitled to make his own bucking decisions. He told himself that he would be free once the words are gone; no more hiding, no more worrying that other people could see, would know, would judge him for having those words. No more stupid arm guard, no more telling people lies about what is written underneath, no more contemplating on carving those words out of his goddamn arm with one of Zeff’s filet knives.

He had saved up for years just to get this; had planned to get it when he was old enough to know what a tattoo was. He had this all planned out meticulously, and still, he hesitated. There weren’t that many reasons to hesitate, the pros outweighed the cons, but a part of him wondered what his future soulmate would say if he found out about it. Would he – of course it’s going to be a ‘he’ – be angry? Sad? Disappointed? Sanji didn’t know, and then he asked himself, why would his soulmate’s opinion even matter?

From the words on his arm, his soulmate sounded like a self-centered, pretentious jackass, and there was no way Sanji was going to give a flying fuck about what he would think. That guy can go fuck himself as well.

With that thought in mind, he steeled his resolve and walked in through the front door. 

He swore he would never regret this decision.

<<< Zoro <<<

Zoro was in a foul mood. Aside from the fact that his university workload just seemed insurmountable at the moment, there was also the issue of his girlfriend. He just had another fight with Kuina, it was about something insensitive he had said to one of her friends, and she was so pissed at him she walked out of their shared apartment with her suitcase. She told him she would never return, Zoro didn’t tell her that he was sorry. He was tired of all this. 

Even though Kuina had agreed to date him, thanks to his relentlessness, it felt as if every day was an endless fight to prove that he was happy with her. It seemed as if nothing Zoro did could convince her that she was all he needed. Every little disagreement was used as an evidence to show him that they were not compatible, that they were not meant to be together, and even though Zoro tried his best not to disagree too much with her, she was never satisfied. There was always something wrong with their relationship, and she was keen on proving that. 

Zoro was tired of it all. 

Maybe Kuina was right. There was obviously something wrong with them. Maybe Zoro wasn’t as sincere with her as he was supposed to be. Maybe, deep in his heart, Zoro still held hope for his fictitious soulmate, and Kuina saw that as well. Well, whichever it was, Zoro was in a foul mood, and so when Ace invited him out for a drink, he didn’t see why he should turn him down. Maybe a few rounds of drinks can clear up his mind. 

>>> Sanji >>>

Zeff was friends with an okama bar owner by the name of Ivankov. Ivankov and his okama friends often came to the restaurant for dinner; they were always the loudest, brightest bunch in the room. They flirted with all the waiters and chefs, and even Sanji was victim to their shameless catcalling. At first, Sanji was thoroughly disgusted; he refused to even serve them despite the perpetual lack of waiters out there in the restaurant. A kick from Zeff to the head fixed his attitude though, and Sanji found himself minding less and less as time went on. 

They weren’t really a bad bunch; just loud and colorful and shameless. They were generous with the tip, highly praised Sanji’s cooking, and Ivankov often scolded Zeff for kicking Sanji’s head too much, and if that didn’t get them into Sanji’s good book, then Sanji had no idea what else would. Their behavior often gave him the goose bumps, but they were decent people who knew when to not overstep certain boundaries, and Sanji found himself liking them a bit. 

Still, Sanji was still nonetheless shocked when Zeff came to him one afternoon after he returned from his university, and told him, “Go help out at Ivan’s bar this evening.”

Sanji gaped, and then protested; giving excuses about uni work and how Patty could not be trusted with the sauce, but Zeff would hear none of that. Sanji understood that Zeff owed Ivanknov a great deal when he was just starting out with the Baratie, but it still didn’t give him an excuse to pass Sanji off just like that, damnit! And why should it be Sanji? Why can’t he pick Patty instead?! The guy was practically useless in the kitchen!

Sanji was furious, he really was, but one look from Zeff told him that he wasn’t going to accept any argument, and so, Sanji fumingly went to the Kamabakka Bar that evening.

<<< Zoro <<<

The bar was loud, bright, and annoying. The drinks were decent, but that didn’t make up for the fact that it was a bar filled with fucking okamas. Zoro should have known not to trust Ace with choosing out a place; that guy was always up to try something new, and this was, by far, the weirdest thing Ace has ever dragged him into. Zoro regretted not turning around to go back home when he first stepped into the place and realized that it wasn’t a regular bar. 

Ace had quickly dragged him to one of the fancy booths and ordered a drink for them, “my treat”, Ace had said, and Zoro thought that he should at least stay until he finished a bottle or two. Ace was paying, and he didn’t order the cheap stuffs. Still as the night dragged on and as his only companion went off to look for a prey, Zoro was left to drink on his own. Apparently, a lonely man drinking alone in an okama bar was an appealing target for all the other okamas.

“Hey, handsome,” one of them slid into the empty seat to his right, and his friend on the seat to his left. Zoro growled at them, but they didn’t seem intimidated. They began running their mouth, talking about how handsome, broody guys like Zoro was their type, but Zoro wasn’t listening.

He was aware that he was attractive, the many confessions he received during high school and even in uni was a testament to that. He needed to keep himself in top shape for his favorite sport; kendo. That was why he woke up every morning to run five laps around the block and spent at least two hours in the gym every day. Kuina never commented on his habit, she was proud that he was able to make a name for himself in the international community, but she once hinted that she wished he could have spent more time with her instead. 

Zoro wondered if that was what he should do, but he was jarred from his thoughts when the goddamn okamas began touching him without his permission. Zoro snapped at them to leave him alone, but that only earned him more vicious flirting which bordered on inappropriate, and Zoro was ready to just fuck it and leave, when a gentle hand landed on his shoulder from behind, and a gravelly voice asked, “May I help you, sir?”

Zoro, surprised by the sudden touch, nearly jumped out of his skin. But it was quickly replaced by anger, because fuck these people needed to learn a thing or two about personal boundaries. He turned around, mad and ready to blow off, and promptly snapped at the person who just fucking touched him, “I’m not into crossdressing trannies, so stop touching me, you fucking drag queen!”

Zoro realized a moment too late that the person standing behind him wasn’t an okama. 

>>> Sanji >>>

Sanji’s intention was pure, really. He saw the guy being crowded by a bunch of okamas, and he looked really uncomfortable. Clearly, he had walked into the wrong place, and Sanji only wanted to help him (and to be honest, the guy also looked as if he was able to, and was going to, attack the okamas, so Sanji saw it fit to interfere). He never really thought that this was how he was going to meet his fucking soulmate. 

Sure, the idea of meeting his soulmate tonight crossed his mind as he walked to Kamabakka Bar earlier, which was why he vehemently, and perhaps a bit viciously, resisted the dress Inazuma had asked him to wear, and tried his best to stay away from the customers there in general. Because if he was going to meet his soulmate, Sanji imagined it was going to be at a time when he was so messed up in the head that he ended up allowing himself to be dressed up as a drag queen and hit on one of the customers who happened to be his soulmate, who would then lashed out back to him with the words that was seared permanently on his skin;

“I’m not into cross-dressing trannies, so stop touching me, you fucking drag queen!”

Apparently, it didn’t play out as he imagined, and Sanji was at a loss. 

“Sorry,” the green-haired jackass murmurs when he noticed that Sanji wasn’t an okama. “I thought you were…” he gestured weakly at the okamas by his sides.

Sanji could only nod mutely. There he was; his soulmate, the source of his fucking misery, the root of all his fucking problems, and Sanji was at an utter loss. What should he say? What should he do? Should he show him the words on his right arm, smartly concealed already around the art Nefatari Vivi had painted on his skin? 

If Sanji’s life was a movie or a book, then he would probably do just that; he would show the guy his words, and then he would show Sanji his words, and then they would stare longingly into each other’s eyes before they make out happily in front of a cheering crowd. Then they would exchange names, numbers, and addresses. They would arrange dates, tumble into beds, and then either one of them would move in with the other, and then they would happily live ever after, maybe with a kid or two, and even perhaps a dog. 

But Sanji’s life was anything but, and he was upset and pissed because gods, he hated those words, so goddamn much. So, when his brain finally got over the initial shock of finally meeting his soulmate, it chose to get angry, and he did what he had always wanted to do ever since he understood what the words on his arms truly meant.

Sanji kicked the guy on the back of his head, and sent his ugly mug crashing onto the table. 

What ensued was the most merciless beating Sanji has ever given in his life.

<<< Zoro <<<

The blonde guy was strong, but worse, he was terrifyingly fast. Zoro could barely keep up with his movements, let alone counter his attacks; he was relentless and agile, moving with flexibility that simply blew Zoro’s mind. The odds would have been better if he had his swords, but goddamnit, he didn’t come here with a fight in mind. The blonde viciously kicked aside a bar stool, which hit the wall and broke down into splinters, and Zoro found himself fearing for his bones.

“Sanji!” A voice loudly resounded in the room, and the blond abruptly stopped. 

Zoro turned to look, and saw a huge drag queen with an even bigger purple afro standing on the doorway, looking not the least pleased. The blonde, Sanji, turned to look as well, the look on his face still that of pure rage, but he had stopped trying to maim Zoro, which was a good sign. 

“What is the meaning of this?” purple afro demanded with authority.

Sanji visibly tightened his jaw, before he turned around and strode towards the backdoor. He disappeared before anyone could utter another word, slamming the door hard behind him as he did so. Silence ensued, before the okamas began chattering among themselves in terror, being generally dramatic about the whole thing, while Ace approached him, a concerned look on his face. 

“Dude was crazy,” Ace muttered as he helped Zoro up. “What the hell was his problem?” he directed that question at one of the okamas. 

Purple afro approached them and began apologizing, saying that Sanji would be punished for what he had done. Zoro didn’t say anything through it all, only nursing his possibly broken ribs, and hoping that he didn’t get a concussion from all the kicks aimed at his head. He tried to remember what he had said to him which triggered that reaction, and well, Zoro admitted that what he said was rather insensitive. Still, Zoro apologized already, so why was the bastard still pissed?

Zoro didn’t understand, and the more he didn’t understand, the more he felt like the assault was unjustified. 

Sanji better hoped they wouldn’t see each other again, because next time, Zoro wouldn’t let him get away so easily.

>>> Sanji >>>

Beating the bastard up didn’t felt good. He thought it would, and for a moment, he thought he felt good too. but after the fight was over and the adrenaline wore off, what Sanji felt was nothing but the profound sense of emptiness, and perhaps a little bit of guilt. That guy had done nothing wrong on purpose, it was all just Sanji blaming him for things he wasn’t even aware of, and Sanji had beaten him up for that, took a little bit of pleasure too, he shamefully admitted. 

Worst of all though, he couldn’t seem to shake off the suffocating feeling in his chest, as if invisible hands are trying to pull the tears out of his chest. Why would he shed tears though? Why would he be so upset? Sanji hated the guy, long before they even met, and Sanji had sworn a long time ago that he didn’t want to have anything to do with his stupid soulmate. Yet, the feeling persisted.

He pushed down the feeling though, tried to ignore it as he sat through Ivankov lecture and then Zeff’s lecture afterwards. He was going to be fine. He didn’t need his soulmate. 

He was going to be goddamn fine.

<<< Zoro <<<

For some reason, things didn’t feel right anymore. At first, Zoro didn’t really notice it, too distracted by the pain caused by his broken ribs, and the persistent throbbing of his head. Ace had taken him to the hospital, got him treated, and then called Kuina to pick him up. Kuina came running, a concerned look on her face, before she began lecturing him about not picking fights in a bar. She didn’t seem to be bothered by the fact that this all happened in an okama bar. 

After the short lecture, they went home by taxi, and once they made it safely to their shared apartment which Kuina had vacated a few days ago, Zoro collapsed onto his cold bed. He had a mind to ask Kuina to stay, but he was sore and tired and the painkillers may have played its part as well. Surprisingly however, he didn’t have to ask. Kuina joined him on the bed they have shared together for the past couple of years once she took off her shoes, and Zoro wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close. 

That was when he noticed that something didn’t feel right. He felt strangely numb, suffocated and unable to breath properly. He thought it was the meds, but as the night went on, he found himself unable to sleep. At midnight, Kuina woke up and found him still lying awake. He told her that something didn’t feel right, and she suggested they rush back to the hospital.

The doctors didn't find anything wrong with him. Sure, there was a nasty bump on his head, and his ribs might take weeks to heal properly, but there was nothing dangerous or life-threatening. They kept him in the hospital for the night, just to make sure. When Zoro and Kuina left the next morning, he only felt worse. 

He felt like falling onto his knees and crying. It felt something was trying to rip his heart apart. It didn’t even remotely feel this bad when Kuina had left him a couple of days ago. What was going on? What was wrong with him? Was he going to die?

“It hurts…” Zoro said as he clutched his chest. They were in the taxi, on their way back home.

Kuina looked over him, a worried look on her face. It wasn’t like Zoro at all to complain of being hurt. Zoro has a high level of tolerance for pain, and he was a stubborn mule. She could only imagine how much pain he was in at that moment.

“It’ll be alright,” Kuina said, her voice barely steady, as she twined her fingers with his,  “We’ll figure this out.”

>>> Sanji >>>

Everything became lifeless and dull. Boring, even. And a tad bit painful. He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t close his eyes without feeling like he was drowning, suffocating, dying. On the rare night where he could, it was uneasy at best, it always felt like someone was standing over him, ready to plunge  a cold knife into his chest and carve his heart out. 

Zeff didn’t say anything about it at first, but he noticed that something was different about Sanji. He lost the luster in his eyes, and the enthusiasm for working in the kitchen. Sanji no longer responded to Patty’s taunting, and he didn’t try to argue when Zeff told him he was doing something wrong. Heck, he didn’t even complain when Zeff asked him to wash the dishes, and that raised the red flag up high. 

Zeff tried to sit him down and get him to talk, but Sanji told him that there was nothing wrong. He was just feeling a bit under the weather, he had lied to his old man. Zeff knew about the words, but he didn’t know about Sanji’s encounter. Sanji didn’t want to tell him, didn’t want to hear Zeff telling him everyone else had been telling him online. 

No one has actually been stupid enough to turn away from a soulmate, but there were rumors flying about on the internet, or more like snippets of myths taken from ancient books, which talked about the sufferings one may experience if they went against fate and rejected their soulmate. Sanji, at first, thought it was all just a huge pile of shit. So he had slammed his laptop shut and went back to work downstairs. Then three days went by, and Sanji wasn’t feeling any better, so he decided to return to that goddamn website. Safe to say, he didn’t like all the stupid theories people conjured up, no matter how much those theories actually applied to him at that moment.

If the rumors were to be trusted though, then Sanji only has two choices; go find that green-haired bastards and be with him, or face prospect of having to feel like this for the rest of his life. Sanji honestly didn’t know what to choose when he didn’t even know the guy’s name.

<<< Zoro <<<

The pain didn’t get any better, but as time went on, it went slightly manageable. He minimized his social interactions, tried not to mingle too long with other people, tried to stay away because his mood was unstable at best. At one moment, he was on the verge of tears for no apparent reason, and in the next, he was ready to snap at someone who just looked at him the wrong way. It was madness, it was exhausting, and he was just ready to give up social interactions for good. 

He would have done that, if it wasn’t for his friends who kept coming back regularly to check up on him. They tried to take him to the doctors, but all the doctors said there was nothing wrong with him. So they let him deal with it on his own, tried to help as best as they could, came to see him to make sure he was still okay. They didn’t understand, neither did Zoro.

Usopp persuaded him to see a shrink. His girlfriend, Kaya, happened to be one, and Usopp told him to go see her. He didn’t want to do it at first, he was never one to talk about his feelings. But he was numb, numb, numb, and he knew he needed help. He was desperate enough to agree. 

That afternoon, he sat on the couch across the blonde woman. Something about the color of her hair and the tone of her skin set off something on the back of his mind, but he discarded that thought when Kaya asked him to describe his feelings. He simply told her he felt numb, that he couldn’t sleep, and that he felt like crying all the goddamn time.

When he finished explaining, she suddenly asked, “Are those… words on your arm?”

Zoro nodded, “Yeah.” he was reluctant to show it to her, it felt like showing her something private. 

She didn’t ask him to show them to her though. Instead, she asked, “Have you met her?”

Zoro shook her head, “No.”

Somehow, that worried her, “Are you sure?” 

Zoro thought she was getting onto something.

“I have a friend who’s investigating bond rejection,” Kaya told him, “It’s the withdrawal symptoms a person may experience when they reject their soulmates. Currently, there aren’t many reported cases out there, but I’ve read pieces of her work, and… The symptoms… Well…” she trailed off, seemingly unsure as well. 

Zoro closed his eyes, took in a deep breath. He tried to think back to the past couple of weeks, tried to remember the faces of the people who had said those words to him. 

_ “May I help you, sir?” _

No. Nothing. No one had said those words to him for quite a while now.

“Or, it could be a case of depression,” Kaya suggested again, tone noticeably softer. “You don’t have to worry. Depression may seem insurmountable at first, but given enough time, you can learn how to manage it.”

Zoro absently nodded.

>>> Sanji >>>

Sanji trailed his fingertips over the words on his right arms, barely legible when surrounded by the tribal tattoo Vivi had drawn around them. She had tried her best to fulfill his request, to completely cover those words up, but she was a romantic at heart. She concealed the words around dark, edgy patterns, but never once did her lines touched his words. Looking back, Sanji was now ashamed to admit that she had made the right call. 

In the darkness of the room, with cold heart and trembling fingers, he drew little comfort from knowing that somewhere out there, someone was meant to love him and fill the emptiness in his chest.  It was rather ironic, how everything turned out. Those words used to look so mean and degrading, but now… Now...

Fresh tear rolled down his cheeks without his consent. 

It was the fourth time that day.

<<< Zoro <<<

Zoro stared at the bottle of pills in his hand and wondered if his could have gotten any lower than this; taking meds to regulate his depression. He hadn’t taken any of it since Kaya first prescribed it to him, he still thought that he was able to manage it all just fine. Until he had snapped at Kuina earlier for asking him if he had eaten lunch, and then everything felt out of control. There were screamings, and Kuina cried, and then  _ he  _ cried, and then it was all too much.

Zoro opened the bottle and poured out two pills. He stared at them, asking himself when had his life gone so wrong.

A few weeks ago, everything was fine, everything was fucking fine. 

Until it wasn’t. 

And Zoro didn’t know what the fuck went wrong. 

The memories of his conversation with Kaya replayed in his mind, unbidden.

_ “Have you met her?” _

No.

_ “Are you sure?” _

Yes.

But something was off about Kaya at that moment. She had looked, for a brief moment, familiar; like someone Zoro had seen a thousand times. Yet he couldn’t remember who it was. He closed his eyes and tried to think, his brain told him that it was something very important.

And then he remembered Sanji, the guy in the okama bar who had beaten him up without any reason. 

He was blond too, with fair skin and dangerous blue eyes. He had moved so elegantly and so fast, beautiful and dangerous… Mesmerizing, captivating… 

_ “Have you met her?” _

No.

_ “Have you met him?” _

No. That was just not possible. 

>>> Sanji >>>

Sanji leaned against the wall next to the dumpster behind the Baratie, arms folded, and with a lit cigarette resting on his lips. Lunch break ended ten minutes ago, but Sanji hadn’t moved from that spot ever since. He couldn’t find the motivation to go back to work, and it wasn’t as if Zeff was going to scold him for it. These days, he was so detached that even Zeff tried to give him all the space he needed to get his head sorted out. 

Sanji wondered if he was ever going to get over this though. He was tired, tired, tired, but there was nothing he could do to get enough sleep. Everything felt wrong, he was always drained and unmotivated, it felt like everyone and everything in the world was against him. There was an invisible weight on his shoulders, and he didn’t think he could carry it around for much longer. 

Fuck this. Fuck the universe for thinking that it was a good idea to give him a soulmate. Fuck the green-haired guy himself for being a smartass asshole. Fuck it all. 

He was crying again, and his time, he didn’t even try to stop it. He let the tears flow out, the sobs to escape his throat. He placed his hand over his eyes, pulled his other arm tighter around himself because fuck, it was all too much. What had he done to deserve this shit?

“You are. An idiot.”

Those words caught Sanji by surprise. Immediately, he looked up, and was nonetheless shocked when he saw  _ him  _ standing there at the mouth of the alley. He looked, in the simplest term, like shit; worn-out, sleepy, as if he hadn’t gotten a decent sleep in the past couple of weeks. He had bags under his eyes, and he had looked noticeably older than the first time Sanji saw him.

Sanji quickly wiped his tears away. For a moment, he thought he was seeing things, because this couldn’t be truly happening, right? Was he hallucinating? Had he finally gone mad?

The guy looked pissed, fairly so; after all, it was Sanji’s stubbornness which started this fucking drama.

“Why didn’t you say anything?!” he demanded with a dangerous growl. He was so, so pissed. 

Sanji, of course, wasn’t one to cower in the face of a threat. he let the initial shock took a back seat to that one emotion he had learned to harness so well; anger. “Fucking retard! Do you know what I have to live through just because of your fucking stupid words?!” he snapped back, not too kindly, but at that moment, he felt something stirring in him; as if the dead parts of him were slowly waking up again.

The man recoiled, guilt clear in his eyes. 

“I hate you,” Sanji found it appropriate to continue, “I fucking hate you so much, I don’t want to have anything to do with you!”

His soulmate had the decency to look ashamed. Good.

“I don’t want you.”

<<< Zoro <<<

Everything was going wrong. Everything was going so fucking wrong. They were supposed to apologize for being idiots, and proceed to kiss the living daylight out of each other and then lick each other’s wounds. They were supposed to realize their mistakes and make up. It wasn’t supposed to go like this. Sanji wasn’t supposed to say those things.

Zoro could see that Sanji was lying through gritted teeth though, he looked like the stubborn type; well of course his soulmate just have to be the stubborn type, thank you, universe. Zoro knew that he just needed to break through his defenses. He gained a little hope from knowing that he could do this, he had done this bef -

Abruptly, he stopped that train of thought, because then, he remembered Kuina. He had done this before, to Kuina. He had broken through her stubbornness; had promised her that he would always be there for her, that he would always choose her over his soulmate. He told her that she was all that mattered to him. 

A part of him knew that Kuina wouldn’t mind, that Kunina always told him that he was free to leave her once he finds his soulmate, besides, standing before Sanji like this, he felt better than he had felt for the past few weeks. Zoro, deep down inside, knew he wanted to Sanji. His instincts were calling out for Sanji, damnit! Still, his principles, supported by Sanji’s words, told him otherwise. He had made a promise to Kuina, and he better go through with it. Sanji didn’t want him anyway. 

“Alright,” he found himself whispering at Sanji, “If that’s what you really want… Alright.”

Sanji’s jaw visibly tightened, and for a moment, neither of them said anything. 

Sanji spoke up again, “We need to do something about this thing though,” he vaguely gestured at himself and then Zoro. “Find a way to work around this.”

Zoro noticed the tattoo covering his right arm, intricate, bold, eye-catching, but chose not to comment on it. 

“Give me your number, we’ll keep in touch,” Sanji continued as he fished out his phone from his pocket, “Don’t think that this is anything special, okay? I’m only doing this because I fucking need my sleep.”

Zoo wordlessly comply. 

>>> Sanji >>>

Fortunately, it got easier for him to sleep, and it got easier for him to breath. His mood improved, and he was finally regaining his enthusiasm for his university and work in the Baratie. It came at the cost of having to regularly meet up with the idiot marimo for lunch every Saturday, sitting across each other in awkward silence, busying themselves with their own work, but that was a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things. 

Every Saturday, same cafe, same spot, same orders, same silence, just for two hours, and then they were good for the next seven days. Sanji thought he could get used to it.

Until, of course, they met each other in a completely different setting. 

See, Sanji had always known Nami for years. They both majored in law, and often share classes. Even though they weren’t really that close, they often helped each other out with homework. They would meet up in a local cafe at least once a month to discuss about their classes, and maybe talk about other stuffs as well. Nami was his type, totally so, like, if he wasn’t bounded by the universe to some ape, he would have totally asked her out the moment he laid eyes on her. But Sanji was bounded to an ape, and he just didn’t think that it would work out well. She would always doubt their relationship, she would be wary and anxious all the time, and Sanji didn’t want to put her through that. If he was going to date a woman, he would want her to be happy with their relationship.

So anyway, Nami, dear, sweet Nami, knew that Sanji was an amazing cook, and she had asked him to come over and cook for a small party  _ her boyfriend  _ was going to hold. Sanji, being the gentleman he was, didn’t refuse. And that was how he found himself standing face-to-face with the green-haired ape again outside of the regular cafe setting. 

Zoro had blinked when he saw him, and Sanji had done the same. And then it was Sanji who asked, “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“That should be my line, dartbrow,” Zoro growled, “What are  _ you  _ doing here?”

It then occurred to Sanji that Zoro was one of Luffy’s friends. Well, fuck. “Nami invited me over to cook,” he asked with a nonchalant shrug.

Zoro frowned, seemingly confused, “You can cook?”

“Well, hello mister obvious, you found me behind a fucking restaurant wearing a chef’s uniform, what did you think I do for a living?” Sanji snapped, his voice leaking with sarcasm. God, this guy wasn’t bright. 

Zoro opened his mouth to retort, but that was when a petite raven-haired girl came into the picture and immediately wrapped her arms around Zoro’s left arm. “Hello? Who’s this?” She asked as she looked at Sanji. 

The gesture set off and alarm in Sanji’s head. “Blackleg Sanji, at your service, mademoiselle,” Sanji said, tone immediately changing; huskier, more gravelly. That earned him a stare from Zoro, but he paid the gorilla no mind as he continued, “Pray tell, who is this lovely lady standing before my eyes?”

Kuina smiled at that, nonetheless amused. She introduced herself, and by asking the right questions carefully worded as so not to rouse any suspicions, he soon found that she and Zoro went a long way back, and that she was Zoro’s girlfriend. Zoro had avoided his gaze when Kuina revealed that fact, and Sanji had to restrain himself from kicking the guy’s head in. 

How could he?

<<< Zoro <<<

“How could you do that to her?” Sanji interrogated him the moment he was sure that they were alone in the kitchen. The others were busy gulping down the food that Sanji had cooked outside, so it was safe to say that wouldn’t be interrupted for a while. Sanji had taken Zoro from the dining room, telling the others that he needed to guy to help him out with something in the kitchen for a moment, while in truth, he just needed to get that question out of his throat. 

Zoro knew that this was coming, had known since he first caught the accusing look the blond had thrown at him the moment Kuina told him that they were dating. He was prepared for this, “She’s a very important person to me,” he told him, voice level and calm. “What? You think I would just sit around and wait for someone who might not even want me to come, when someone I truly can give a shit about is standing right there next to me?”

Guilt flashed through Sanji’s eyes, but it was quickly replaced with the familiar anger again. God, why was he always angry at him? Why couldn’t he smile at him the way he had done to the others?

Sanji folded his arms, his lips chewing on an unlit cigarette, “she deserves better.”

That just pissed Zoro off. “What the fuck do you know?” he growled at him, ready to punch this guy’s face. Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t gotten the idiot back for that one time in the okama bar. “You think things shouldn’t work out between us because I have this goddamn words on my arm? You think that I shouldn’t try to make her happy, just because I’m bonded to an idiot like you? Kuina matters to me, more than you ever will.”

Sanji looked away uncomfortably, obviously out of his depths. Zoro caught a hint of pain in his eyes, felt it in his chest, even. It didn’t surprise him that he was able to feel Sanji’s emotions in his chest; he had heard stories about it before. Heck, some soulmates even claimed that they can talk telepathically. However, what concerned him was the intensity of the unfamiliar emotion in his chest; it wrecked through every fibre of his being, and for a moment, he had felt like he was back in those hellish week where he had experienced the symptoms of bond rejection. A small, petty part of him took pleasure from knowing that he had hurt the pretentious bastard.

Strangely, the emotion went as quickly as it came, and once again, it was replaced with anger. 

Sanji turned to look at him, the fury clear in his eyes, “Get. Out.”

Zoro didn’t need to be told twice.

>>> Sanji >>>

There was a place that Sanji always visit when he felt his head was trying to burn him down. It was a fighting ring, a shady place where he could beat the living shit out of people, make himself feel better, and cash in some decent amount too. He was a law student, he knew that this place was illegal, but his brain was plotting a mutiny, and this was a better distraction than sex, drugs or alcohol. The next night after the party that Luffy had thrown, with painfully repressed emotions, he made his way to that place, and fought like he had never fought before. He was always careful with these things, tried not to get hit in obvious places, would usually tap out before he wound himself too badly, but that night, he found that he couldn’t focus on keeping himself in one piece.

“ _ Kuina matters to me, more than you ever will.” _

Like a mantra, the words kept on replaying  in his head. It wouldn’t shut up, wouldn’t stop replaying. He knew that it was to be expected; they didn’t like each other, Kuina had always been there for him when Sanji wasn’t, of course she was going to be very important to him. But still, it hurts. 

He didn’t want to overanalyze that shit, didn’t want his brain to find out why it hurt him so much, so he fought, and he fought, and he fought. He was on his eighth round, bloody, bruised, abused, but the pain felt good, cleared up his head, made him forget, and he found himself unwilling to stop even when the referee warned him that his next opponent could take him out. 

He was knocked out quickly, but not before he was mercilessly kicked aside and beaten up.

It was worth it though.

<<< Zoro <<<

Sanji didn’t stop hurting, and that pissed him off because he can feel Sanji’s emotions, and it affected him, to some extent. Zoro was agitated, worried, and confused. Sure, he had said some mean things, but Sanji had asked for it. He wasn’t wrong, damnit! Still, Sanji was hurting, and deep down he knew that he had screwed up somehow. 

So Zoro planned to apologize during their saturday lunch meeting. He didn’t know what he did wrong, but as long as he can fix this annoying feeling in his chest, then he wouldn’t be above apologizing. Of course, all thoughts of apologizing was drained out of him when he saw Sanji sitting in the cafe, wearing an uncharacteristic blue hoodie, shadows of bruises apparent on his face. He looked as if he had been in a fighting ring, but that wouldn’t be possible, right?

“What happened to you?” Zoro asked as he approached him.

Sanji glanced at him, waved his hand dismissively, before returning his attention to his laptop.

Zoro tried to get him to talk, tried to start a conversation, but Sanji would have none of it. The blonde bastard then rolled his eyes and plugged on his headphone the third time Zoro asked, and that was that. Zoro could have pushed, should have pushed, but he hesitated. He didn’t know anything about Sanji, he didn’t have any right to push at the issue. And so he sat back and tried to ignore the way Sanji’s hand twitched in pain every now and then, tried to ignore the way Sanji kept squirming in his seat, as if he couldn’t get comfortable enough. 

After two hours went by, Sanji abruptly collected his stuffs gave him a curt, “see you,” before he walked out of the place. 

Zoro felt anger curled up on his chest, and he thought Sanji could go fuck himself. He wasn’t Zoro’s problem anyway.

>>> Sanji >>>

Sanji was aware that he was screwed up. How could he not be, when he grew up surrounded by people calling him either a freak or a disappointment? His self-esteem was fucked up, but he tried to put a brave front; tried not to let others see that he thought he didn’t deserve anything good in life. He was useless, helpless, couldn’t match up to his brilliant brothers or his father’s expectation, he deserved to be beaten up, bullied, locked up in his rooms for days on end without food; he deserved it all. He was fucked up, but nobody should know, if they knew, they would pity him, and good lord, that was the last thing he needed to help him feel less like a freak. 

He had always tried to avoid this; tried to avoid overanalyzing his feelings ever since he was aware that there was something wrong with him. But that night, Luffy had asked him to hang out with them, and Sanji didn’t decline because hell, he could use the distraction, and then it was at Luffy’s place where he saw  _ them.  _ Zoro and Kuina, both sitting on the sofa, with Kuina curled up on his side, a soft smile on her lips, and Zoro himself gazing at her fondly. They both had looked pleased, content,  _ happy,  _ and then it all came crashing down on him. 

He always saw it fit to be angry to Zoro, because he was sure that it was all Zoro’s fault that everything never went right in his life. In his mind, Zoro was a bad person who didn’t deserve happiness. But then he saw them together, and they were happy, and he was not, and the devil in his mind began whispering to him the words that he had turned a deaf ear to years ago when he was kicked out of his father’s mansion.

_ “It was all you. Something is wrong with you. It was you all along.” _

Sanji had excused himself immediately, had told Luffy that he had an assignment that he had to turn in that night, and he had left. Thankfully, he was able to hold it in long enough until he reached his room. And that was when he finally let the floodgates open, after almost a decade of denial. 

It felt worse than that time when he was rejecting Zoro. 

<<< Zoro <<<

Sanji wasn’t picking up his calls, and Zoro was just ready to snap something into two. He was in a foul mood, everyone could see that, but they wondered why even though he seemed fine just moments ago. It was all the goddamn idiot’s fault for suddenly filling him up with unpleasant emotions. Sanji was hurting, again, this time worse than anything Zoro has ever experienced before. He knew then that he had to talk to the blond, but son of a bitch wasn’t picking up his calls, and Zoro was left agitated and  _ so goddamn worried _ . 

After his fifth attempt of calling him was ignored, Zoro decided that he needed to go straight to the guy’s place. Break down his doors if he has to. 

But then Kuina came out to the balcony, and she looked at him worriedly. “Zoro, what’s wrong?”

Zoro stared at her, immediately hesitating. He hadn’t told her about his relationship with Sanji, hadn’t told anyone, in fact. She didn’t need to know, if she knew, she would push him to Sanji, and Zoro didn’t need that. He wanted to be with her, not this messed up blondie who couldn’t even look at him without anger and disgust clear in his eyes; who looked at him as if he was an abomination or something.

“Nothing,” he lied, trying to sound calm even though his chest was tearing itself apart. 

She looked at him, inquisitive. She knew that he was lying, they had been together for long enough, but she knew that she wouldn’t get anything out of him if she pushed for it now. So, she merely nodded and said, “Come on, movie’s gonna start.”

Zoro nodded and followed her inside.

He wasn’t one for praying, he didn’t believe in gods, but at that moment, as he sat among his friends with Kuina curled up on his side, he found himself praying, and praying,  _ and praying _ . He prayed harder than he probably every would in his life. 

_ Please, please, please. _

He was begging to god or whatever higher power was out there, but for what, he couldn’t say.

>>> Sanji >>>

Sanji went back to pretending. He was always good at that game; pretending that he wasn’t hurting, pretending that nothing bothered him, pretending that he was okay. Zeff saw through his bullshit, but he didn’t comment; just told him to take better care of himself, and that was that. Sanji had jabbed back, asking him if he had finally gotten senile, but deep down, he knew that he wasn’t fooling Zeff. 

He went back to work, keep up with his uni assignments, meet up with Zoro every Saturday and pretended that everything was alright with him. Zoro was the other person who didn’t buy it though. 

“Are you okay?” Zoro asked him, reluctantly. It was their first meeting after Sanji had abruptly left Luffy’s hang-out night. Sanji saw the missed calls the morning after, it was then that Sanji realized that he and Zoro were connected, somehow. Zoro had felt Sanji’s breakdown, and he had tried to call to make sure that Sanji was okay. 

_ See, he’s actually a nice guy,  _ the devil in his head had whispered that morning. 

Sanji didn’t bother arguing, he just made a mental note not to have another breakdown again, not when they were connected like this. 

“Yeah, just got a whole lotta shit to deal with,” Sanji muttered in response as he shuffled through his papers. 

“Bullshit,” Zoro hissed at him, irritation clear in his eyes. “Why didn’t you pick up my calls?”

Sanji looked at him, locked his gaze with his, and calmly replied, “Why should I?”

“Because I was so goddamn worried about you!”

Sanji smirked, thought it came off more as cocky, when in reality, it just looked pained, “Why would you be worried about me? You’re being ridiculous.”

And then Zoro’s eyes widened, as if he had been enlightened by the motherfucking universe. And then softly, he asked, “You think no one cares about you?”

That hit too close to home, and Sanji found himself snapping his laptop shut. He collected his stuffs, ignored the way Zoro stared at him with hurt and  _ motherfucking pity,  _ and he stormed out of the place, not even bothering to smile at the lovely cashier lady who had been kind enough to give Sanji a fresh-from-the-oven muffin for free.

He was just so, so done.

<<< Zoro <<<

Sanji always acted bright and confident and just so goddamn righteous that it never occurred to Zoro that he might have issues. It was just unthinkable. Sure, the recent pains that Sanji had been transmitting should have been a precursor, but Zoro thought that it was just Sanji being bitter about his relationship with Kuina. He thought it was jealousy or some sort, a petty grudge over the fact that Zoro had decided to give the middle finger to the universe and went ahead and chose a girlfriend for himself. Sanji seemed like the type to be angry over something like that. He never thought that those feelings were actually directed at Sanji himself. 

At that moment, Kuina came out of the bathroom and joined him on the sofa to watch the tv. 

Zoro didn’t know what else to do. 

So he told her  _ everything. _

>>> Sanji >>>

He went back to the ring, this time beating the highest record for consecutive matches won, before getting knocked out by a blow that sent him flying out of the ring. He was bloody and beaten, but the edge of the pain gave him something else to focus on. It grounded him for a bit, and so the broken ribs were worth it. 

A hand fell on his shoulder as he limped outside though. Turning around, he found himself staring at Ace’s face, concerned obvious even in the darkness of the place. Sanji was too numbed by the pain to be surprised to see him there. “Sanji, we need to get you to the hospital.”

Sanji shrugged his hand off, “Am fine.”

“No, you’re not,” Ace said, louder this time, “Come with me. I’ll get you to the hospital. You need to get treated.”

Sanji complained, but Ace was persistent, so he relented. He was in too much pain to argue much. Ace hailed a taxi, and they were mostly silent for the rest of the ride. Ace didn’t ask any question even though he probably have millions of them running through his head. Sanji was aware that Ace had a vague idea of the problem he had with Zoro; Ace was Zoro’s closest friend, and it was Ace who had helped Zoro found Sanji again after the incident in the okama bar. He probably had wondered why they weren’t together yet, but he had never brought attention to the issue, until now.

“I’m calling Zoro,” Ace said as he took out his phone again.

Sanji merely shrugged at that, even though the mere gesture sent rupture of pain through his whole body, “do that, and I’ll break your bones.”

Ace narrowed his eyes at him, “he’s your soulmate. He deserves to know.” when Sanji didn’t say anything in return, he found it appropriate to continue, “Sanji, I don’t know what the fuck is going between you two, bu -”

“There is nothing between us,” Sanji hissed.

Ace fell silent, concern clear on his face, “He’s your soulmate.” he said softly.

Sanji was too worn out to even shrug, “That doesn’t mean anything.”

Ace stopped asking anymore question afterwards. 

<<< Zoro <<<

Everything was so fucked up, and Zoro didn’t even know where to begin. First, Kuina was ignoring, hadn’t talk to him ever since she left him that night when he told her everything, and now, Ace was telling him that his soulmate was apparently suicidal and that it was all  _ Zoro’s responsibility _ .

“You’re his soulmate, do something,” Ace told him, irritation clear in his voice. “He was… God, Zoro, he was... “ he shook his head, obviously too upset to find the right words, “he was so messed up. You should have seen him. He went up against  _ Eustass Kidd,  _ for god’s sake! And he went up against him without any weapon!”

Zoro flinched, because fuck, he knew Eustass Kidd; the guy was notorious for being bloody brutal in the ring. No one had ever went up against him without weapons and came out in one piece. Even though Zoro had never went up against him personally, since he didn’t go to the ring that often, he had seen some of his victims. Safe to say, they didn’t look pretty.

Upon seeing how Zoro paled, Ace quickly added, “Sanji’s alright, he won, didn’t get hurt that much, but  _ still! _ ” Ace continued, “Something is wrong with him. A guy wouldn’t go out to get beaten up that badly for shits and giggles.”

“What the fuck am I supposed to do?!” Zoro demanded, angrily, because, gods, this was all too fucking much. “He wouldn’t even talk to me! Can’t even look at me without disgust! Like I killed his dog or something!”

Ace’s expression visibly softened, “I thought it was…” he took a quick glance about the room, “Her.”

Zoro didn’t want to admit that Kuina was also part of the reason why Zoro wasn’t making any effort to talk to Sanji.

Ace continued, unaware of the thoughts running in Zoro’s head, “You were always so stubborn. I thought you’re keeping your distance because you wanted to keep a promise with her or something. I wouldn’t put it above you, to be honest.” he pauses, before asking, “why was he so mad at you?”

“I said something stupid when we first met, the words on his arms weren’t pretty. He got shits for that, and now he hates me.”

Ace raised an eyebrow at that, “How bad was it?” If there was challenge in his voice, Zoro knew it was because the words on his soulmate’s arm, Marco, wasn’t pretty either. 

“There were ‘fucking’, ’trannies’, and ‘drag queen’,” Zoro didn’t remember the exact sequence of words which he had said, but he was pretty damn sure that was close enough.

Ace grimaced, “that’s…” he was at a loss of word, “That’s bad.” Yup, compared to the words ‘fuck you’ on Marco’s arm, that was way, way worse.

“Tell me about it,” Zoro bitterly said. 

He thought that talking to Kuina would help him figure something out, but Kuina had walked out on him, and he was now with more problems than he had started out with.

“Keep trying, Zoro,” Ace said after a moment of pause, “He needs help, and I think you’re the only one who can help him.”

Zoro nodded after a lengthy pause; he figured if he was going to set things right, he should start doing something instead of sitting around and moping. 

>>> Sanji >>>

The puppy barked gratefully as it finished its meal. Sanji smiled as he patted the dirty little mutt, before he picked up the bowl and walked back into the kitchen through the back door. He was washing the bowl when the backdoor swung open, and Zoro walked in. Sanji froze as Zoro closed the door behind him and approached Sanji, steps tentative, as if he knew that Sanji was just inches away from mauling him. 

There was a long pause between them, and when it was obvious that Zoro wasn’t going to say anything first, Sanji relented by turning off the faucet, dried his hand, then calmly faced the green-haired idiot. “You’re not allowed to be in here.”

Zoro shrugs, “I need to talk to you.”

Sanji gritted his teeth, “You could have called me.”

Zoro looked over him, saw the bruises and the cuts, and worry settled on his face, “I heard about what happened from Ace.” he paused shortly, before asking, “What.. Why…? Why did you do it?”

“The fuck do you care, bastard?! I don’t mean a thing to you, do I?” Sanji found himself snapping bitterly. He threw aside the rag he had been using to dry his hand, “Get out of here, before I break your face this time!”

Zoro’’s eyes widened, but he shook his head and argued, voice closely bordering on anger, “don’t put words into my mouth, I never said you didn’t mean anything to me. You’re my soulmate, you’re supposed to mean  _ something  _ to me. And I could have figured out what it is if you weren’t being such a frigid bitch!”

Sanji threw a kick at his head, but he was injured and sore all over, so Zoro easily caught him by his ankle. Zoro then immediately tackled Sanji onto the floor, none too gently, and effectively trapped Sanji under his weight. Sanji tried to push him away, tried to scratch and elbow the idiot away, but Zoro caught his hands, and then pinned  his wrists above his head. Sanji was panting by the time he stopped struggling, out of exhaustion and pain.

“Let me go,” Sanji hissed venomously. 

Zoro looked down on him, the look on his face unreadable at first, but then something broke inside him, and Zoro looked visibly upset. “Please,” he said, voice pleading, as he placed his forehead on Sanji’s shoulder. “Stop this. Stop pushing me away.” he sounded so broken, so desperate, so tired, and Sanji found himself realizing that maybe, maybe, Sanji wasn’t the only one hurting. “I know why you hate me, I understand… I’m responsible for your shitty childhood, and I’m so, so, so sorry, Sanji. I’m sorry.”

Sanji found the anger slowly leaving him, only to be replaced with the shock of the realization that he apparently had hurt Zoro as much as Zoro had hurt him. Tears welled up in his eyes, and before he could stop them, he found them spilling over. Zoro let go of his wrists to wrap his arms around Sanji, and Sanji embraced him in return. Sanji cried on Zoro’s shoulder, cried like he had never cried before, all the while saying how sorry he was too. 

When Sanji was able to finally calm down, he looked at Zoro, and said, “I’m such a mess.”

“We’re both a mess,” Zoro corrected.

Sanji looked at him, really looked at him for the first time, and offered him a weak smile. Zoro smiled back, and they both proceeded to sit side by side on the kitchen’s floor, and finally,  _ finally  _ they began to talk. Zoro showed Sanji the words on his arms, and Zoro teased him for having such a girly handwriting. Sanji showed Zoro the words on his arm, and then he told Zoro about how Zeff had scolded him for getting a goddamn tattoo when he was only fourteen. Sanji told Zoro about how he used to be involved in street fights back in high school, and Zoro told Sanji about his swords.

They talked about where they came from, about the people close to them, about fond memories, about their likes and dislikes. 

When dawn came, Zeff found them asleep on the kitchen floor; Zoro’s head uncomfortably tilted to one side, Sanji’s head resting on Zoro’s lap. He didn’t have the heart to wake them up, but he needed to get to work, so he kicked them both awake anyway. 

<<< Zoro <<<

Kuina invited him out for lunch the day he woke up with Sanji in the Baratie’s kitchen. She didn’t tell him much, only said she wanted to meet, and so he went to the cafe that she had mentioned in her message. When he arrived, she was already waiting for him in a booth by the window, the look on her face calm, but there was a hint of melancholy in her eyes as she smiled to greet him. 

“I’m sorry,” she told him after they both had ordered their drinks. “I didn’t mean to walk out like that… I knew that this day is going to come, I always knew that you were going to choose your soulmate over me. And Sanji…” she hesitated, “Sanji seems like a very nice person.”

Zoro looked at her in the eyes, “I will always choose you.”

She looked at him sadly, Zoro didn’t know what she was thinking about. He wanted to tell her that he and Sanji may be soulmates, but that didn’t mean she has to leave. Zoro didn’t even know if Sanji wanted him that way, didn’t even know if  _ he  _ wanted Sanji that way. she was an irreplaceable part of his life. 

“Thank you, Zoro, that means a lot to me,” she smiled at him, but there was no mirth in it.

They didn’t talk about it anymore afterwards. 

>>> Sanji >>>

Luffy invited him again for another hang-out night, and Sanji agreed to come even though he was still sporting bruises. Everyone asked him about what happened to him, and he told them with an easy smile that he got involved in a small fight, and that was that. Ace and Zoro saw him lie, but they didn’t call on his bullshit, so Sanji was grateful for that.

“You’re just like Zoro, you know,” Kuina told him after Sanji had lied to her, “Always out getting into fights.”

Sanji grinned at her apologetically, “Apologies if I worry you.”

Kuina then studied him, her dark eyes searching, yet there was a hint of sadness in her eyes as well. Sanji wanted to ask what was bothering her, when she suddenly said, “Take good care of him, alright?”

Sanji froze, because right then, he realized that she knew.

He didn’t say anything, didn’t know what else to say. It felt as if she was giving up Zoro for him when Sanji didn’t even know if he wanted Zoro as anything more than a friend. He wanted to tell her that she didn’t have to do this, didn’t have to worry about him taking Zoro away from her, because he wasn’t going to even compete with someone as perfect as her. But the words were stuck in his throat, and he didn’t know why.

She patted his arm, then walked out of the kitchen to go sit next to Zoro on the sofa before the tv. 

“Come on Sanji, movie’s starting!” Luffy called out to him. 

Sanji nodded, and he walked over to them to settle down on the floor next to Usopp and Chopper. Tentatively, he glanced at Zoro, and found that the man was staring at him. For a moment, both of them locked gazes, and Sanji thought he felt his heart tug, but then the speakers blared loudly, and then the moment was gone. 

Sanji returned his attention to the movie, but he wasn’t able to concentrate, mind too focused on trying to analyze what that small tug was. When they were halfway through the movie and he still wasn’t able to figure out what it was, he decided to fuck it.

He wouldn’t stress over it. 

At that moment, surrounded by his friend, he was happy. 

And that was all that mattered right now.

=== End ===

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading guys. I know I still have some other fics to complete, but this plot bunny just hit me, and I just have to post this fic >.<
> 
> Even though the ending was inconclusive, this is a Zosan fic. I might write an ending for their love story, but that's not a promise, lol.


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